Men’s Holiday Check-In Guide
Everyone has their own style of small talk. It’s natural for some and others struggle to find the questions to ask or get distracted by the football, food, and other holiday antics. Friendships and consistent connection improve men’s (and women’s) mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s helps to lower stress, strengthen resilience, and reduce the risks associated with isolation. They also deepen belonging and purpose, helping us show up more fully for our families, communities, and ourselves.
Although all these suggestions are applicable to women, I framed this document toward men because of my work.
Why It Matters
The holidays can amplify both connection and isolation. For many men, this season brings disrupted routines, family stress, financial strain, or the feeling of needing to ‘hold it all together.’ A Relational Masculinity approach frames check-ins as acts of mutual care, shared presence, and belonging. It’s not assessment.
This guide offers simple, conversational ways to reach out in ways men may respond to: low-pressure, specific, and rooted in mutuality.
Core Principles (Relational Masculinity in Action)
Interdependence: Check-ins should highlight that support goes both ways — they matter, and their presence matters.
Belonging: Make men feel remembered, included, and connected to ongoing rhythms, not singled out.
Reciprocity: Frame the exchange as two people showing up for each other, not one person “helping” another, even though that may be the sub-text.
Care-as-Action: Instead of emotional probing, use small, practical actions that communicate care.
When to Check In
Use natural moments, not formal ones:
Digesting food during football game on Thanksgiving or when cleaning up
First week after Thanksgiving
Mid-December holiday rush
A random weekday (“thought of you when…” or “this made me laugh”)
Could start with a text and then a follow up connection.
After they mentioned a stressor or big event
Before New Year’s (“closing out the year check-in”)
These moments feel organic, not performative.
What to Say (5 Easy Check-In Openers)
“Hey, how’s December treating you so far?”
Light and universal; no emotional pressure.
“You getting any time to decompress lately?”
Connects to wellbeing in a non-intrusive way.
“Been able to do anything to ‘reset’ lately?”
References something, they shared earlier.
“How’s your crew doing?”
Invites talk about their support network indirectly.
“Anything coming up before the holidays you’re looking forward to?”
Anchors the conversation in the future, not stress.
How to Follow Up (Keep It Mutual)
Reflect on something they shared
“Nice, I remember you said walks help you clear your head. Hope you can fit a few in.”
Share something small about your experiences
“Been trying to slow down myself. Caught a quiet morning coffee today — felt great.”
Offer a low-lift touchpoint
“Want to grab a 10-minute coffee next week, if you’re around?”
Validate their role with others
“You juggle a lot for your people. Hope you’re getting a breather too.”
End with warm mutuality
“Good catching up for a minute. Let’s talk again soon.”
What NOT to Do
Your goal is to keep it relational, not clinical – AVOID!:
Heavy emotional questions (“How are you really doing?”) - In most settings, that conversation will get shut down quickly
Unprompted advice-giving – listen closely instead
Judgments about how they are coping - You are there to support, not judge.
Long explanations about why you’re reaching out (“I was thinking about you.” Is enough.)
Anything that feels like surveillance or assessment (“…but you said, …”) - You aren’t solving a crime, you’re being a friend.
Keep the vibe: present, respectful, mutual
Holiday check-ins are just small moments of mutual care — showing up without pressure, keeping the connection warm. Often, this is what it takes to remind men they’re not doing life alone.
You can also make this part of your New Years Resolution!
Happy Holidays!
