The Great Lock-In – for Men’s Health
Strengthening Connections to Strengthen Yourself
A Different Kind of Lock-In
In the fall of 1994, I committed to join the Peace Corps. My pre-departure run-up was about eight months. Preparation included health checkups, pre-internet research on Ethiopia, and feeling like I needed to focus on something physically and mentally challenging before being so far away from family and friends for two years. That winter and spring I trained and ran the 1995 Boston Marathon.
AI image of men working out in gym. One character has an elongated forehead.
The months before departure included some target races around Massachusetts. I scheduled 5 and 10-Ks, the Hyannis Half Marathon, and longer runs in and around hilly streets of Fitchburg in preparation. Regularly, I sought advice from friends who previously ran Boston and those who were lifelong runners. I wove in group hikes, and bike rides, as exercise became a way to get in the miles and build a network of friends. I locked-in to complete the marathon and prepare for a lifelong journey of discovery.
I recently learned about a social media trend referred to as The Great Lock-In. Frequently, individuals link this to fitness goals, new routines, or productivity hacks...kinda like my preparation for the Peace Corps. Given my current professional goals and desire to promote more prosocial behavior among men (and women), I'd like to spin this a little bit. As the Harvard Longevity Study has taught us, well rounded health is not just lifting heavier weights or honing in your nutritional goals. It’s about having strong connections.
Too many times my blogs have focused on the impact of loneliness and isolation as being silent health risks. Lacking strong relationships can shorten life expectancy as much as smoking or obesity, while friendships buffer against stress, reduce depression, and even protect heart health. Although many men report having fewer close friends as they age, this component of our health can be changed.
This is why a slightly altered version of The Great Lock-In should be considered. One that centers relationships as a facilitator of individual achievement. Let’s face it, 99% of us are not going to run a 2:20 marathon, try out for the Washington Capitals, or invent the internet - Al Gore already did that. Over the last 121 days of the year, the most powerful move men can make is to lock in on building, deepening, and protecting their connections. There is no chance that I could have completed the Boston marathon without the advice and time of others like: Bouts, Dustin, and Nezza. Everything else: physical health, mental resilience, and preventive care flows from these connections.
Why Relationships Belong at the Core
Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985), which highlights that human motivation is driven by three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Relatedness, the sense of being connected and valued by others, is often overlooked in men’s health conversations. Yet it is the glue that makes other habits stick. When relationships are prioritized, the other areas of men’s health naturally improve.
Physical health: A man is more likely to stay consistent with exercise when he trains with a partner or team. (Osuka, 2017; Raglin, 2001; Bruner, 2011)
Mental health: Stress is easier to manage when there is someone to talk it through with, lowering likelihood of depression and anxiety. (Ozbay, 2007; Pilcher, 2016; AHA, 2024)
Preventive care: Preventive care is more likely to happen when a spouse, partner, or friend encourages the timely visit to a physician or therapist. (CDC, 2014; Prochnow, 2025; Mursa, 2022)
Resilience: Social bonds help men bounce back from setbacks and maintain motivation. (Agashe, 2021; Hawkley, 2021; Netuveli, 2008; Nicklett, 2013; Whillans, 2016; Nurullah, 2012).
Locking-in on relationships provides the accountability, encouragement, and emotional grounding that make other goals achievable.
In other words, interpersonal goals act as the multiplier that makes every other health effort more effective.
Adding an "R" to SMART Goals
If you've ever worked on US government contracts, you are familiar with using SMART goals or indicators. These goals should reflect the following five criteria: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound (learn more here). What I'm suggesting is quite funny if you've ever heard my thick Central Massachusetts accent that has removed most "Rs" from my dialogue. As you're developing your goals, let's add another R, for Relationships to this acronym (SMARRT - pronounced: SMAHHHT).
This isn't about throwing parties, or forcing "nights outs" from now until New Year, unless you want to. Also, we don't need to treat relationships as one pillar among many in your multi-month lock-in. Instead, we can use relationships as the hub from which we can accomplish our other goals.
1. Setting Interpersonal Goals as the Foundation
Design the Lock-In so that every health goal has a relational component.
Fitness: Instead of working out alone, set a goal of training with a friend once or twice a week. Cross train by joining a recreational league or schedule regular walks with a colleague or neighbor.
Nutrition: Cook meals with others and ask for help in the process (even if you don’t need it). Share healthy recipes with friends. Take the pressure off by trying new recipes by referring to them as "experiments" and solicit advice from people who you know love to cook - as a gateway to connection. Use food as a way to bond, not just fuel.
Sleep and recovery: Create shared routines at home that support better rest, like device-free evenings with a partner. Try out the "Good Night" text or phone call (example1, example2). If the call is too much, let people know you're thinking of them with a quick text, any time of day. To reduce the pressure to connect, include this comment at the end, “Let’s catch up soon.”
AI image of a father and son making stir fry using a weird single-burner stove.
2. Repairing and Strengthening Relationships
The Lock-In is a chance to address relationship gaps that often get neglected.
Set aside uninterrupted time with a partner or spouse. Prepare some reconnecting questions, just in-case you start to fall into lazy patterns of engagement. Here is one example. There are numerous others online and AI will help you generate questions to choose from, if you need the a little push.
Reach out to one or two old friends that you hear from infrequently during the Lock-in. Bring questions about what is happening in their lives, and listen intently. End the conversation with a “It was great catching up. I think about you a lot.” It matters.
Make space for real conversations with children, siblings, or parents, free from distractions. It's okay if you take the approach of having a conversation while doing something else like playing a game, washing dishes or my favorite - going to the grocery store (shoulder to shoulder communication). Life isn’t just the big moments, most of the time its the little ones.
These small, intentional acts not only strengthen bonds but also provide emotional safety that improves overall health for you and those in your life.
3. Expanding Brotherhood and Community
Many men thrive in groups that provide camaraderie and purpose. Use the Lock-In to build new connections through existing social groups or identify new organizations you’ve been interested in.
Join a men’s group, support network, or community organization. There are online and in-person opportunities for this type of connection. Try to define what you are seeking to get out of the engagement and structure questions toward your goals before you jump in.
Ask someone you know to attend a new class at the gym, a lecture, concert or cooking class with you. Something that may be outside of your comfort zone that you might have been curious about.
Volunteer with friends or colleagues. From personal experience, this type of engagement provides two things: shared accomplishment of completing or progressing a task, and shared laughs, as inevitably your friends will find something funny to laugh about.
Host a gathering, even something simple like a monthly dinner, game night, or weekly coffee. It doesn't have to be locked into your schedule, at first or ever. You will not know if you enjoy coordinating this type of thing unless you try.
AI image of guys having coffee and talking about “stuff”.
4. Accountability Through Connection
Accountability partners are at the heart of The Great Lock-In. Rather than trying to achieve everything solo, build a support system. Share goals weekly, check in regularly, and celebrate progress together. Without the guidance of friends, I would have never completed the marathon. Running and endurance activities is a big part of how I connect with those friends even now.
This approach transforms the Lock-In from a solitary challenge into a shared journey, which boosts motivation and deepens trust.
Risks of Overlooking Relationships
When men pursue The Great Lock-In with an individualistic lens, they risk missing its most transformative potential. Focusing only on personal achievements can lead to:
Burnout from trying to “go it alone.” Facing challenges without any supportive network, we are more likely to experience fatigue and decreased motivation over time. This can manifest in both physical health routines and lessen our mental resilience.
A sense of emptiness if accomplishments are not shared with others. Achieving goals in isolation can feel hollow when there is no one to witness or celebrate the success, leading to diminished satisfaction and self-worth.
Perpetuation of isolation, which undermines mental and physical health. Without intentional outreach, its possible to spiral into further withdrawal, which research shows can increase risks of depression, anxiety, and even chronic illness.
Without connection, discipline can quickly turn into loneliness.
AI image of people out for a fall run in the woods. Appropriate headwear and long sleeves are important in reduced temperatures.
How to Build a Relationship-Centered Lock-In Plan
Here is a simple framework for the final 121 days of the year:
1. Choose a core connection goal. For example: “I will have one meaningful conversation each week with someone I care about.”
2. Link every other goal to a relationship. If you want to exercise more, invite a partner. If you want to eat better, involve family. If you want to improve your writing or content creation, identify reviewers or collaboration partners.
3. Create a buddy system. Find someone who will check in weekly on progress. Use formats that work best for that relationship. Some friends would rather meet and talk, other love the long text threads, like me.
4. Celebrate relational wins. Treat strengthened friendships and quality time as successes equal to physical achievements. Acknowledge the engagement by saying things like, "Thanks for taking the time to talk." or include "I appreciate your feedback on this" into a text thread. Letting others know that you see and hear their feedback provides stickiness to your relationships.
5. Reflect often. Journal or talk about the impact of these connections with your closes friends or family to reinforces their importance to you. This is just a way to remind yourself why relationships are important within the chaos of our everyday lives.
Locking In to Unlock Connection
Don't allow The Great Lock-In to simply focus on discipline or self-improvement. Contribute to a cultural shift that views health from a solo grind to an understanding that connection is the true foundation of wellbeing.
Putting relationships at the center will help you finish the year not just stronger in body or sharper in mind, but more deeply connected to the people who matter most. The marathon metaphor is overused, but when it comes to friendships and the support network they provide, we should be thinking about their longterm engagement for everyone’s sustained health. That is the real win of a Lock-In.
In the end, health is not just about how long you live. It is about who you live it with.
References
Agashe, S., Kumar, S., & Rai, R. (2021). Exploring the relationship between social ties and resilience from evolutionary framework. Frontiers in Human Dynamics, 3, 683755. https://doi.org/10.3389/fhumd.2021.683755
American Heart Association. (2024). Manage stress with the power of connection. Retrieved September 6, 2025, from https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/manage-stress-with-the-power-of-connection?utm_source=chatgpt.com
Bruner, M. W., & Spink, K. S. (2011). Effects of team building on exercise adherence and group task satisfaction in a youth activity setting. Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice, 15(2), 161.
CDC. (2014). Marriage, cohabitation, and men’s use of preventive health care services. National Center for Health Statistics Data Brief, 154. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db154.htm
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2012). Self-determination theory. Handbook of theories of social psychology, 1(20), 416-436.
Hawkley, L., Wroblewski, K., Cagney, K. A., & Waite, L. J. (2021). Resilience and social support-giving scales: Conceptual and empirical validation. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, 76(Suppl 3), S238–S250. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbab091
Louise Hawkley, Kristin Wroblewski, Kathleen A. Cagney, & Linda J. Waite. (2021). Resilience and Social Support-Giving Scales: Conceptual and Empirical Validation. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, 76(Supplement_3), S238–S250. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbab091
Mursa, R., Patterson, C., & Halcomb, E. (2022). Men's help‐seeking and engagement with general practice: An integrative review. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 78(7), 1938-1953. https://doi.org/10.1111/jan.15177
Netuveli, G., Wiggins, R. D., Montgomery, S. M., et al. (2008). Mental health and resilience at older ages: Bouncing back after adversity in the British Household Panel Survey. Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, 62, 987-991. https://doi.org/10.1136/jech.2007.069138
Nicklett, E. J., Heisler, M. E. M., Spencer, M. S., & Rosland, A. M. (2013). Direct social support and long-term health among middle-aged and older adults with type 2 diabetes mellitus. Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 68(6), 933-943. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbt046
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Osuka, Y., Jung, S., Kim, T., Okubo, Y., Kim, E., & Tanaka, K. (2017). Does attending an exercise class with a spouse improve long-term exercise adherence among people aged 65 years and older: A 6-month prospective follow-up study. BMC Geriatrics, 17(1), 170. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12877-017-0554-9
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Prochnow, T., Patterson, M. S., Park, J. H., Sherman, L. D., & Smith, M. L. (2025). Social network characteristics and type 2 diabetes self-management among Black/African American men: A cross-sectional analysis of support quality and communication patterns. Preventive Medicine, 195, 108292. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2024.108292
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